In Duality

Photograph: Alexander Hayes

Photograph: Alexander Hayes

Dr. Anne Poelina, an Aboriginal Nyikina Traditional Custodian from the Kimberley region of Western Australia visited the researchers home in Perth, Western Australia in 2019 and during that visit the researcher naively asked to have a photograph taken with Anne.

“… the reply was a gently ‘no’ and when asked why Anne asked the question as to what significance it would have in the future if such an image was to be used in ways in which she did not approve of. Stumped for an answer the researcher replied that he did not know to which Poelina remarked that in not knowing or Marloo nyla ngayoo that the greatest things of all are achieved.”

The exchange left the researcher with an understanding that in that not knowing something and acknowledging that in not knowing is ok too that the greatest learning can happen. This was related by the researcher to the many times when asking the question ‘why’ when in communities in the Kimberley region of Western Australia the answer was often total silence.

Another similar such event happened when the researcher asked the same question with Adnyamathanha people of the Stirling Ranges in South Australia and was given an answer similar.

“… the tree of life is often cut down to create paper which are then used to create books in which we claim to contain what we know about the tree of life.”

This indicates that in fullness, the answer is not yet known, which is confounding and often frustrating for ‘kardiya’ who misconstrue the silence as ignorance or rudeness. The fact being that in that not knowing and listening the knowing arrives and it is in that space of listening that the greatest knowledge of all can be gained….no matter how uncomfortable that makes that individual feel.

Human Library

Application submitted 30th August, 2019

http://www.humanlibrary.org

Reason to be a book:
The reason I'd like to become a human book is being inspired by the stories of others who have become one too and what that has brought into their lives. My own life story is both sad yet empowering for others so I am told and that’s probably the best reasons to become another conduit in people’s lives. I have brought hope to others through sharing my story and the most recent publication in that respect is located at www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/transformation-through-telling-an-interview-ngikalikarra-medias-alexander-hayes/

Which title:
Human Researcher

Which qualities:
I am a good listener.

In the role as active and deep listener lots of answers come to those who need to unload what it's like to be in this world. It's in that space that I find the best contributions are small elements of my own story and sharing of others.

After ten years study as an ethnographer I'm at the point of submitting my PhD thesis. That in itself is another life journey that has put me in contact with incredible people whom I have learned from also.

Your experiences:
As a victim of the worst forms of crime, sexual assault I have been repeatedly through my life subject to some of the most vile forms of attack in person and online. Despite this my story is public and I am a face to a case that spanned three years and many millions of dollars, bringing to justice as the principal complainant the perpetrator who is now served 18 years incarceration.

Eleven other survivors joined me and their Families in ensuring that crime does not repeat through that human being bad. I have even had my story published by the very people whose organisation facilitated the coverup of that individuals crimes – www.livingwell.org.au/from-men/stories-of-mens-experience/alexs-real-story/

I identify as gender non-biased and sexuality as pansexual – attracted to great people not determined by their gender. That has in itself also provided many people with hope and happiness that they too can experience love and connection without fear of prejudice and stereotypes.

My work with First Nations communities brings me in contact constantly with those whose very existence like mine was threatened by simply who they represent and stand up for.

Where did your hear about HL:
I learned about the Human Library through my work colleague, Professor George Siemens.

Your participation:
In as many as possible, online and here in Perth, Western Ausstralia.

Participated before:
No

Published before:
No

Shared to your readers:
I would like to share with my readers contextually sensitive aspects of my life story and how it relates to others life stories who have also grown through their experience and are high achieving survivors. My research is unrelated to my life story but the work I conduct as an ethnographer and relational filmmaker ensure I have a wealth of material to also share from that domain.

Your languages:
English (Australia)

Own a smartphone:
Yes

Comment:
I welcome the opportunity to connect with a representative from your organisation.

Power & Surveillance

Photo: Alexander Hayes

Photo: Alexander Hayes

On the 5th July 2019 I presented at SAE Institute in Perth, Western Australia. The topic was power and surveillance and as a visiting researcher I was invited to speak of the findings of my PhD research investigation.

Sydney Criminal Lawyers

Alexander-Hayes.JPG

Today I received a link to an article written and published in the Sydney Criminal Lawyers group website. The article was derived from an interview that was conducted by phone a week earlier with Paul Gregoire who recorded and edited our discussion into an article.

https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/transformation-through-telling-an-interview-ngikalikarra-medias-alexander-hayes/

I am proud that it clearly speaks through that which I talk of on a daily basis. I am glad it was published as it is another avenue of being hear and seen, for others to see that it is possible also to lift their heads and live a life worth living.

Fallen Angel

Image: Angel Of Darkness

Image: Angel Of Darkness

Everyone has the right to believe in what they want. No one has the right to tell others what to believe…especially especially those who business is to endorse and protect pedophiles whilst claiming they are on their knees to save us from eternal hell and damnation.

As Sartre was often heard to say, hell is other people, not a place conveniently located post living as a human on this earth…and in my case this hell was every supposedly christian institution I was ever sent to.

If you have ever wondered where the term ‘mass’ came from there you have it. A group of a few to many who believe in the same (often inculcation) and then harm others with it. The same for repentance and yet again for forgiveness. Without either all you have is outright carnage and slaughter and neither term originated from any christian bootcamp, rather it’s been a moral pagan accord since the beginnings of time.

Catholicism brought us the black box in which we can speak to an unseen who forgives us and encourages us to go back to the village for more. Prayer is the common symbol for the openly oppressed and to congregate is good business especially when it fits the frame of capitalism and looking good. Fine up-standing citizens who practice all the virtues and then break every single one of them as hypocrites and common charlatans.

For me, I’ll accept at most the tag of fallen angel even though that is a far stretch from the will of an angry young child repeatedly defiled as a ‘seer’ and chosen ‘lamb of god’. Go fuck your yourselves I say to the many who see the vulnerable, innocent and meek as fair game to play. No amount of burning in your own man made hell will save you from the harsh light of solitary in protective custody.

Anyhoo… in the last few months I have received a range of responses to my efforts to see justice served for the many men who have suffered as result of their contact with William Richmond Sandwell, convicted felon, convict, pedophile.

There has been genuine expressions of sadness, care and empathy balanced of course with a mix of ‘I love you’ (conditional and one way) as well as “…too short a sentence for the monster” and even callous remarks like “…well now you can close that chapter and get on with your life”. In a series of written emails I’ve also been informed that I’m now an ‘Apostate’ by proxy, by abandoning a religious or political belief or principle in order to achieve the exposure of a pedophile manifest.

Still others have gone as far to renounce my efforts as ‘fallen angel’ which in Abrahamic religions, fallen angels are angels who were expelled from heaven. So, let me explain it this way for those of you who feel that your spiritual and religious beliefs matters in an Australian Court of Law.

Firstly, I did not swear on nor at a Bible in order to provide three decades worth of facts to a Royal Commission into the Sexual Abuse of Children, Institutional Responses, also to Sutherland Police Detectives and for weeks in a trial which has seen 9 survivors step forward and hundreds of witnesses interviewed. Belief in humanity and in Law which transcends any current bullshit of supposed reverence means no amount of postulations of pious holiness changes facts to fear driven fiction.

To be a Fallen Angel means you firstly need to believe in a “heaven” and more importantly in a “hell”. Without these conveniently off Mother Earth myths the Christian Judaic fear driven business model fails to hold over its captive gullible congregation. Secondly, no amount of prayers to a dude who was immaculately conceived, died, somehow ended up in control of a trillion headed snake that ate an apple….you get the picture.

Belief has nothing to do with pedophiles and yet thats precisely what they “prey” upon in all manners of worldly charm. Repenting, praying and turning to anything is not what pedophiles do - they simply protect each other with the very same silences the church as a capitalist pig perpetuating its crimes through time immemorial.

Sadly, for those who should be opening their archives, their books and their mouths all that they would become in the harsh cold hard light of the Law is mute, complicit to their ‘blind eye’ to abuse… happening right in front of them! To admit you failed to report these crimes against humanity is to render all that you know, all that you are and all that you will become as nothing but mere, mortal and irrelevant nothing in the annals of time.

Saying nothing and doing nothing means you are no different to those before you who lived in hope. The fact is ACTION is all that makes change occur. To act on what is EVIL means fighting it with tough love, not forgiveness and apologies. Go stick your apologies up your own apologist ass.

Repeatedly we are reminded and made aware of that Australia is run by conservative freaks whose houses of their lords are rampant havens for pedophilia, extortion and false prophet. These supposedly religious institutions need to be dismantled as they are illegal and continuing to run the same ‘fear over ‘ business model as this current liberal blue-tied government…which serves itself.

For those who wish to pray for my sins, get off your fucking knees and do something for those who have suffered as a result of your bullshit brigades. For those of you who think rebranding your remote church camps away from civilisation as ‘safe ministry’ cleanliness, be aware that any institutional ‘Professional Standards Unit ’ is under close, close scrutiny….never believed, always circumspect.

For those of you who thought you got away with your crimes from your safe havens of heavenly good fortune, the big house awaits, filled with fallen angels, apostates and every other known fear term you can humanely imagine to cut you to the core. No prayers, no claims of redemption, no frills nor frocks will ever protect those who see fit to claim ‘God’ while making others lives hell on earth.

“…To my knowledge, the convicted abuser, Adrian Sandwell, was banned from any children’s or youth ministry in 2002. Prior to this he was involved in leadership of the Sutherland CEBS, and a high ranking leader in the CEBS at movement in NSW. Years ago Sandwell was for a short time a member of our church and spoke at a few of our family services.” - http://gymeaanglican.org.au/2019/07/05/rethinking-big-issues-church-leader-jailed/

The fact is Sandwell frequented many churches and CEBS meeting grounds all over this nation. Sandwell is recorded in hansards of meetings all over this country over a thirty year period and much of this is openly accessible through the Internet with records of active involvement with Youth related groups right up until

It’s time the archives were laid open of the institutions that protected these crimes against humanity.

Here is the report from the Royal Commission on the Church of England Boys Society. [ PDF ]



UPDATE: It seems my request to append my story at the Livingwell group with notice of Sandwell’s conviction HAS been approved - https://www.livingwell.org.au/from-men/stories-of-mens-experience/alexs-real-story/

St John The Baptist

Tucked away on the corner opposite vipers of similar making is St. John The Baptist Anglican Church in Sutherland NSW Australia.

At this location, convicted pedophile William Richmond “Adrian” Sandwell perpetrated crimes against young boys and men whilst as a ‘leader’ of the Church of England Boys Society (CEBS) over a 30 year reign of destruction.

I’ve updated Wikipedia and the entry seems to have stuck - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican_Communion_sexual_abuse_cases#Anglican_Church_of_Australia

Not surprisingly the current clergy are distancing themselves from anything that might bring them in contact with this criminal past and nor are there or likely to be any incriminations any more than the perpetuations that these illegal institutions continue to manifest. Below is a screenshot of my written submission through their website contact page suggesting my email address is already listed as ‘banned’ on their server listing.

Here is the report from the Royal Commission on the Church of England Boys Society. [ PDF ]


Contact_Us_–_St_John_s_Sutherland.jpg

On the very same evening I found the following in the Bishop Abuse Tracking website.


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Crimes Against Humanity

A vastly unpopular story and a critically urgent issue in our society, across all cultures and indiscriminate of age, gender or ethnicity. A short film Magali McDuffie and I made to reach out to those who are experiencing the very same we have endured through this legal process.

Here is the report from the Royal Commission on the Church of England Boys Society. [ PDF ]


Alexander Hayes recounts the legal and judicial process as result of speaking his life story and seeking justice after 33 years as he states "... in my own mind made prison....this is not a story about hope rather it's a story about action."


Victims Register

Victims-Register_.jpg

Today I have had the dubious pleasure of registering to be informed by the NSW State’s Justice Department as to when and if William Sandwell is released for prison.

Here is the report from the Royal Commission on the Church of England Boys Society. [ PDF ]

I am hopeful that others will action their own stories and step up to the same system I endured to bring their own stories forward which will lead to further convictions if and when deemed answerable. No amount of kind words today made it any easier to again have to apply for my own emancipation and to have ‘VICTIM’ emblazoned is for me such a poor cousin to the term ‘SURVIVOR’.

A victim is someone who falls foul of what they have endured and a survivor is someone who does well with their life and story as a result of what they have endured.

The related Lawlink address to search for court hearings are located here - https://onlineregistry.lawlink.nsw.gov.au



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Jailed

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“…A former Church of England Boys' Society lay leader and scripture teacher at Sutherland has been sentenced to a minimum three years and seven months jail for historical child sexual assault offences.
Many of the offences occurred in church-run camps for boys in Royal National Park. William Richmond Sandwell, 78, of Loftus, appeared in the District Court, Downing Centre, after a jury found him guilty of 11 child sexual assault offences, committed against six children between 1965 and 1985. Sandwell, who also used the name Sandell at one time, denied the offences. Among "survivors" in court for the sentencing was Alexander Hayes, who now lives in Perth. Mr Hayes said outside the court Sandwell's assaults on him between the ages of 11 and 15 had had a "catastrophic effect on my life and a horrific impact on many families, including his own."

"It hasn't stopped me leading a good life, but it has had a big effect on me socially," he said. "I have been married and divorced three times, and its affected the intimacy I have with other people."



Mr Hayes said he believed Sandwell would have assaulted many more children over 30 years and that the church was aware of his actions from as early as 1991 and covered it up.


Sutherland police charged Sandwell in 2017 after investigating allegations of sexual assault of boys, who were members of the Church of England Boys' Society (CEBS). Judge David Arnott said Sandwell was a senior lay member of St John's Church, Sutherland, and, through this involvement, was also a leader of the parish's CEBS branch. CEBS ran weekly Friday night meetings where the boys played games, and there was also a big focus on camping trips.

The judge said Sandwell's offences ranged from fondling the genitals of boys to one instance of digital penetration, which was "particularly callous". Six offences had been against one boy.

The judge said, on one occasion, Sandwell told the boy he could not attend a camp sailing regatta because he had done something wrong. Sandwell had then ordered him to take a shower. The boy had panicked in the shower and tried to push past Sandwell, but the offender had prevented him leaving and then assaulted him. The judge said another boy testified he had "frozen in shock" when he was assaulted while lying in a sleeping bag.

The judge said Sandwell was also a primary school scripture teacher and, on a weekend camp, assaulted a boy aged 11-12. This boy, in his victim impact statement, had said he "changed from being a typical well behaved child to a self-destructive lifestyle".

The court heard Sandwell was a father of two, grandfather and great grandfather. He was married for 54 years and his wife died in 2016. The judge said Sandwell was raised by his mother and grandparents and only had contact with his father on two occasions.

In imposing sentence, Judge Arnott said he had taken into account a range of factors, including Sandwell's age, poor health and the fact he had not shown remorse. He sentenced Sandwell to a non-parole term of three years and seven months, backdated to when he was convicted and refused bail in March this year.

An additional term of two years and five months can be applied if he does not meet parole conditions. Sandwell will be eligible for release in October, 2022.

Text by Murray Trembath


Rap Sheet

According to my Witness Support contact these are the charges that Sandwell incurred which were read out to the Court with public media reporters present on Friday 28th June 2019.

  1. Count 1 - Indecent Assault (1965) D.G. - Grave Offence - 6 months

  2. Count 2 - Indecent Assault (1966) G.G. - Falls just below middle range range - 15 months

  3. Count 3 - Aggravated Assault (Aug. 66-68) P.M - Middle Range - 3 years

  4. Count 4 - Indecent Assault (1979) - D.D. - Mid point to lower middle range - 15 months

  5. Count 5 - Indecent Assault (1980) - A.H. - Lower range - 3 months

  6. Count 6 - Indecent Assault (1980) - A.H. - Lower range - 9 months

  7. Count 7 - Indecent Assault (1980 - 1981) - A.H. - Lower range - 9 months

  8. Count 8 - Indecent Assault (1983) - A.H. - Mid point lower end to mid range - “… evil intentions” - 15 months

  9. Count 9 - Aggravated Assault (1984-1985) - A.H. - Sexual intercourse without consent - “…Particularly callous” - 4 years

  10. Count 10 - Indecent Assault (1984-1985) - A.H. - A little below the midpoint, beyond the lower and the middle range - 12 months

  11. Count 11 - Indecent Assault (1984) - W.T. - Mid range with seriousness - 2 years 6 months

Total Sentence = 18 years imprisonment


Final Verdict & Sentence

William “Adrian” Sandwell received a Head Sentence of six (6) years with a non-parole period of 3 years, 7 months. Sentence commenced 27 March 2019 and Sandwell will be eligible for parole on 26 October 2022. The Head Sentence expires on 26 March 2025.

Here is the report from the Royal Commission on the Church of England Boys Society. [ PDF ]



Click image to expand view


Click image to expand view

Thoughts On Location Based Services

As I was composing the last of the figures which would appear in my PhD thesis using the online graphics tool, Gliffy, some thoughts on location based services came to mind to share and discuss with the Chief Investigator, Professor Katina Michael.

Email Correspondence - Alexander Hayes to Katina Michael - June 18, 2019.

“... Hi Katina,

Just thinking through the differences between the LBS figure and the emergent themes figure.

LBS was hardly raised at all by interviewees and to a large extent for many of the people I spoke to HOW LBS works and to what extent they are personally tracked remains an inconvenient mystery to them.

What and I both know is that LBS makes intelligence gathering possible and I would like to liken it to the ‘fuel’ in the realm of the actuator metaphor. For instance, in 2004 a GoPro was a dumb device in a waterproof cover. Two years later it was WiFi and GPS equipped and making its impact known by tracking all the best extreme sports enthusiasts.

What I am conscious of is saying what I discovered, what I learned and nothing more powerful than anecdotes and empirical evidence that demonstrates that LBS ‘burns’ culture as it gives away patterns to the anthropos and makes those patterns exploitable.

Onto chapter formations and reading for me now.”


Filmtaking

In discussions with the Chief Investigator and Supervisor, Professor Katina Michael and listening in conversation with researcher and Filmmaker Dr. Magali McDuffie, the researcher struck upon where distinctions can be made between those engaged in the trust based relationship of filmmaking where the subject is aware of (and interacts with) the filmmaker in the role as an actor, versus that of the distrustful relationship with those who have ‘become-the-camera’ and are ‘film taking’.

Photo: Alexander Hayes

Photo: Alexander Hayes


Filmtaking, (opposite to filmmaking) that is ‘film’ or digital video that is ‘taking’ in a distrustful manner (not a trust based relationship) is taking away information purporting to be for the subjects best interests and even claiming that it protects the citizen rights, personal security and well being of the camera bearer, lifelogger, officer. The human (for the subject) is no longer visible and all that others then question (user known as bearer) in its absence is where then is the camera? In many cases, where it the camera oscillates from overt to covert in effect it then disappears into the human…and those around them dismiss that bearer (human wearer become camera) as simply another node in a surveillance society. The same claims that surveillance positions itself in society, a presence that engenders trust is in fact an orchestration that perpetuates distrust, with many accounts through my PhD research providing evidence of this phenomena. Likewise sousveillance which is nothing more than the inverse (yet not opposite) and despite all the claims of its power differential contribution is just another camera in the grid, a half-cocked blunderbuss staring down the barrel of a failed recalcitrance…wearing it essentially means you become it in a Heideggerian enframement.


The researcher in an effort to describe the transition as a researcher to that of the ‘filmtaker’ in the following three key positions; (1) that of the OBSERVER; (2) transitioning to that of PARTICIPANT OBSERVER; (3) and finally that of the PARTICIPANT ACTUATOR.


'“… As an OBSERVER from afar, I sat and looked in wonderment at humans who seemed to be doing something rather interesting with cameras and to achieve their goals they were strapping them onto themselves. I was looking at them from a distance and not understanding what they were doing I took a step closer. In some instances I kept my distance and whilst I attended forums and workshops or conferences or events I did not participate in the observable use of nor active engagement with the technology. Geoff Lubich was the first in 2004 and then I followed many others.”


“…As a PARTICIPANT OBSERVER I went about engaging with people who were experimenting with these body worn camera devices and secretly (privately and unknown to the others) I began testing the concept of wearing the camera to understand it in entirety. With some degree of creativity upon using it to create learning resources I was then considered to be an informant of the phenomena, an expert in knowledge of the field, a BWC contemporary across my own cohort. I was observed actively engaging with others during events and interacting directly with the technology, creating digital resources with the technology in a detached but tool oriented manner where the camera and its computations remained separate to my identity. I was disconnected with those who had already become the camera and lived their life by it, such as Cathal Gurrin, Steve Mann, Gordon Bell and countless others. I hadn’t yet become the camera although I had been avidly using handheld smartphones like a weapon for long enough, yet still able to put it down and retreat if I wished.”


 “…Then one day I received a camera that I could wear. In fact not just wear but attach to my body and forget about and it automagically transformed me into one more of itself, the framework on which it could be carried and operated no longer of any importance to its own mission. In effect the camera transformed me into a PARTICIPANT ACTUATOR, chilling my personal relationships considerably and cannibalised my thinking around data, value and community. The camera and its computations had become a large facet of my identity, now a total photoborg (as my daughter called me) and as others were referring to me as a cyborg. I had ceased to inform others of its workings and as I have described in many differing journal entries I noted a substantial shift in the way others related to me, engaged with me or 'acted' around me. I even refused to take it off and wilfully disregarded the objections by those who indicated they did not wish to be in my relational and objective field of view, not even subjects any more…just a sea of faces to feed the national security and corporation whereabouts machine with.”


So, as a participant actuator in a self confessed failed experiment from which I decided to retract (I have enough references there to defend it as a 'new' conceptual and perceptual finding) I’m considering breaking down the background chapter and renaming it OBSERVATIONS split down into two phases; (1) immersion in which I describe all the roles and events and then; (2) reflection through the 'eyes' of the journal and through the multitudes of eyes of the borg camera which is secondary evidence… hundreds of hours of film and hundreds of thousands of photos I took throughout that period.

Then, to finish the chapter up as Professor Teemu Leinonen and Leigh Blackall have likened it to an ‘expose of the disingenuity of an interview society’ I can examine all the differing points of reflection I now have to inform what I discovered in digital land versus my naive and often recalcitrant REFUSAL to conform to the cameras wishes...the many times I BROKE as a result of becoming that photoborg….actually being vulnerable about what failed heaven (for all of you who believe in one) forbid!!!

The authentic....and juxtapose the lot with Jean Rouch perhaps even signaling that surveillance and BWC is the death of filmmaking, positioning it rather as becoming FILM-TAKING.


(Excerpt from Magali McDuffie’s PhD thesis) - Rouch viewed film as a therapeutic device, in which people would become aware of, and then “accommodate, the psychological disjunctions caused by colonialism” (Eaton,1979, p. 6). In this sense the camera takes on a performative role, and becomes active rather than passive, an indispensable witness to lived experiences, and a catalyst for taking action – enabling people to give their own evidence of history (Hearne, 2006), and to create their own archive (Bonitzer & Toubiana, 2000).

Rouch conceived of the camera as an “accelerator”, allowing people to reveal themselves more rapidly than they would have otherwise, provided that trust be the essential founding elements of their relationship with the filmmaker. In this process the filmmaker was not only accepted by the participants, but also integrated in the action (Eaton, 1979). - Eaton, M. (Ed.). (1979). Anthropology-cinema-reality: The films of Jean Rouch. London: British Film Institute


ANZ Mlearn Symposium

The Google Glass phenomena was a key theme at the ‘ANZ Mlearn Symposium’ held at the Sydney Institute of Technology 2012 with the Researcher presenting a paper published by The Journal of the Australian and New Zealand Mobile  Learning Group titled ‘Reflections: Glass & Mobile Learning’ 

“... Point-of-view (PoV) or body worn video (BWV) prototypes have been trialled extensively in a cross- sector education and training context across Australia and New Zealand since early 2005. A national  snapshot  conducted  in  2010  (Hayes,  2010)  revealed  an  avid  interest  in  how  location  enabled  body   worn technologies could be used in an educational context.(Hayes, Frawley, et al. 2012)

Men Too

Photo: Jennie Burroughs


Men Too

I have just woken in a sweat which has soaked the bed sheets to the point that I thought I had urinated the bed. It is 3:17 AM in the morning.

I am typing this into my smartphone in the dark.

This must be said. Men rape boys too. 

#mentoo suffer as a result of sexual assault.

These crimes occur across all cultures, indiscriminate of gender as we are all made aware of through the media.


I wish in this case, in this instance to highlight that men who suffer at the hands of pedophiles are having a catastrophic effect on our humanity as all those around them suffer too from their trauma and troubled minds.


It is a sad indictment that in 2019 as a collective humanity that children are still being sexually assaulted by pedophiles, sick males who target young boys, children and young men. The shame and guilt, the disbelief and wilful victimisation that survivors of these crimes against themselves have to endure from their family, friends, peers, colleagues and strangers is a continuing trait of humanity and a deeply troubled society.

I faced my perpetrator (who has already been charged and convicted) in court three days ago and read my six page Victim Impact Statement which contains the last words, I am a survivor.

I am a 50 years old male, Father to five children and two Grandchildren. 

My greatest wish is for my story to be public and for those men who have gone through the same as me, to know that it is not OK that they experience all of what society treats them with and for me to know that I have directly contributed towards preventing men from suiciding is what keeps me alive.

This is NOT about me rather it’s about all men who have suffered the same.


This is about the many amazing women who walk alongside their men, the selfless women who endure the torment of these men’s minds and help them face their own demons and eventually bring down those demons too. This is who this post if for… all of those amazing women who have also endured incomprehensible suffering and yet reach out and help those men who have endured similar.


Sadly, a day after the court hearing I attended a 50th birthday party for a long time friend from college. We grew up together in the Sutherland Shire near Sydney, Australia. He shook in rage as I held his hands and told him why I had been in court the previous day.

He then wept as we recounted many people who had been sexually assaulted by the same monster who raped me, detained me, kidnapped me and held me against my own will. That same monster had been a ‘family friend’ and perpetrated against those in that family also.

The very same monster who raped a young man close to us both at school who despite my friends help suicided last year. He would have also turned 50 years of age.

I choose to speak out on these matters. I always will until my last breath in this place.

I stood in court, not sitting and I read of the impact that sexual assault of the most gross order has had on me since childhood through to now as a grey haired man. I endured more of the legal wrangle as the pomp of justice parade in front of a dislocated me. The institutions who failed me continue to act with false prophets as their guide. They force our society through these tools of oppression, with pedophilia their main weapon against our community.

These Churches and their Clergy are illegal, aiding and abetting the worst of crimes against humanity. We all must individually listen to these horrific facts and like I am doing, make the difference by not dismissing it as an inconvenient, complicated truth.

Young men, middle aged men and older men in our society are holding this crime against themselves all their lives until the burden is too great and they self harm, suicide or worse by taking the lives of innocent people in their perception that humanity has failed them.

The fact is that men too are dying at a hugely under reported rate, self harming disguised under other more convenient statistics and this all further perpetuates pedophilia. I hereby implore of you, to do something about this by caring enough to bring this issue forward openly in your lifeworld.

Make the difference by speaking openly out against this crime against all of humanity.

#mentoo


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Media Release

Alexander Hayes - June 2017

Alexander Hayes - June 2017

Alexander Hayes - June 2019

Alexander Hayes - June 2019

Media Release

It is a sad indictment for the Australian nation when the very same crimes which the Offender, Adrian Sandwell has been convicted of in an Australian Court of Law, continue to be harboured, aided and abetted. Since time immemorial, the bastions who lead us to believe they are the centre for our human faith are by the same constitution exposed continually as protecting pedophiles who act against our collective humanity.

This thirty-nine (39) year catastrophic journey has affected everyone who has ever known of my story, broken my Family and the sole causal agency also for the passing of many of my peers with tragic repercussions. It is for those who have been unable to come forward that I lament, prevented in many cases with the same threats of death that I was subject to if they ever dared bring their own crimes forward, disbelieved and dishonoured.

I do not accept any apology from any human, especially those from the heads of a corrupt government that serves their billionaire selves nor the institutions that claim they exercise safe ministry, when as apologists they have had absolute knowledge of pedophiles who continue to control their rank and file. No amount of money nor poisoned chalice will bring my childhood and the rest of those lost to life again. Convenience continues to control the churches who count their profits, a hypocritical congregation of fools and evil charlatans.

To all of those who see justice served in my emancipation, let your own souls also open your mouth with bravery to speak of the atrocities that still continue to this day across all of humanity. It is up to everyone of us who believe in the safety and well being for children to continue to build the foundations for society, calling for those illegal institutions who continue to shift their responsibilities to be disbanded, permanently.

My absolute abhorrence will never cease as I bear witness to those survivors who have had their compensation capped as they capitulate, broken asunder by the same deceit, idiocy of greed and wealth of these institutions as they refuse to recompense adequately.

This document has been written solely by myself Alexander Hayes, with no presence, advice nor witness to my sole composition of this media release.

Alexander Hayes
27th May 2019


In Place Of God

In a series of emails which relate to the completion of the PhD thesis I picked out this particular moment as for me it defines the bigger picture or the ‘leap off point’ from where the PhD finishes and where the next part of the learning journey begins.


Email correspondence to Katina Michael, cc. xxxxx, xxxxx - 28th May, 2019

“... I hope the packing goes well. So much to remember and the superhuman you are becomes the human in such tiredness. What I was pointing out is that even at this late stage we have much to discuss. Place could be God. What I was pointing out is that what we put at the centre to a diagram must represented the core to the inquiry. The external variables will always alter in context the poster I created in 2015 with xxxxx emphasised that what is missing in western society is the capacity to grasp that ethically the way we consider life is based on blind faith. Moral mass. Consumer creation in the likeness of greed, wealth and more of it. You will recall the framework figure I put together with xxxxxx which put ‘country’ as central to what guides and runs this place, world. As an engineer, without any idea of what country means the xxxxx of this world see nothing other than what they can get. They contribute nothing more than how to make lifes conveniences which are tapping us to consume more. As I’m learning, in reflection I know what I don't know and in that space I’m learning more about what I consider to be of value or not. We are nearing the end now and the framework figure may never emerge anymore than what I know at the point of departure from it all. I just hope in some way to ‘nail it’ and this historical snapshot will be worth it all.

Reply from Katina Michael, 28th May, 2019.

“...Perfect. You have nailed it. Not because you mention God who I believe is at the centre of everything, but because the camera hungry body worn instrumentation attempts to sit in place of God...in place of ‘place’.”

Reply to Katina Michael from Alexander Hayes 29th May, 2019.

“... the camera by design colonises the human form and by wearing it, we become it, then in turn we lose our human sense of place. ”








Google Plus Communities

In all their wisdom, Google shut down its own history as is common in the tech world.

Google decided to close its G+ communities in 2019 which to the researchers disappointment also kills off those communities and the content which historically I had used extensively to engage with the Google Glass community as well as to host events through Google Hangouts and so on.

Here are some of the communities which I was the owner, co-administrator or participant.



Victim Impact Statement

Photogrpaher: Magali McDuffie


This Victim Impact Statement has been prepared and written in full by myself, Alexander Hayes.

In identifying as the Victim and as the Complainant in a historical sexual assault case, I hereby describe the physical effects and emotional harm that these matters had at the time of the offences and continue to have upon me to the present day.

I understand that the Victim Impact Statement (VIS) is an opportunity for me to participate in the criminal justice process by informing the Court and anyone reading this document of the impact of sexual assault on myself, Alexander Hayes. I do not regard anything I have written as being offensive, threatening, intimidating or harassing towards the offender.

I reinforce that this Victim Impact Statement is about the personal harm that I have suffered as a result of the offenders wilful behaviour that has compromised my physical and psychological well being, both of which are commensurate and not isolated in description.


Alexander Hayes - Age 11 years

Background

As a child, one of my greatest joys was attending social events organised by the Church with my Family. I attended Church services and participated in activities which supported the financial and logistical structure of these organisations, which were always described to me as an opportunity to make friends and learn new life skills.

I was enthusiastic about the prospects I had ahead of me when we moved from inner suburban Bexley to the Sutherland Shire of Sydney, New South Wales, Australia. I was a well adjusted, articulate and happy child when I first joined the Church of England Boys Society (CEBS) in early 1979 at St. John The Baptist Anglican Church in Sutherland, NSW Australia.

Honesty, trust and obedience were reinforced as virtues of this Church activity and yet these values, rules of social engagement and Law were broken by the offender  in incidents as detailed to the Court.

The wilful behaviour of the offender compromised my physical and psychological well being, with the effects being nothing less than a catastrophic betrayal of my childhood and adult humanity.


Impact On Family

The core of an individual’s identity across all cultures is considered to be informed from infancy by our immediate kin Family, who always remain central to our reference in life, yet, in my case, the very first impact I felt as a boy just entering his teenager years was alienation from my Family due to sexual assault.

As detailed in Court, the wilful behaviour of the offender immediately compromised my own sense of trust in adult males and as I experienced the fullest extent of hypocrisy and predation, in turn, it caused me to question why my innocence was not protected by those also charged with my care.

The impact of sexual assault on myself has caused shame on my Family as well as a continuing and direct impact on the relationships I have with my immediate Family. I do not know how at the point of writing this Victim Impact Statement how, if ever, I am going to be able to counteract those effects of sexual assault and heal those relationships.

Impact on Relationships

Sexual assault has had a direct and life long impact on the way in which I have been able to express my intimacy with others.

As a boy, my ‘kid code’ was scrambled for want of a better expression.

The wilful behaviour of the offender compromised my capacity to form intimate relationships with others as a teenager and I directly attribute sexual assault as the psychological barrier I have experienced at times in my relationships since with significant others.

As a result of sexual assault, my trust in others, in particular those who travelled through my life journey in long term relationships were compromised by my psychological distress. I also consider that I was denied those moments of innocence as a child exploring and forging those first moments of an autonomous identity and by being sexually assaulted, that impeccable child state ended in an unwelcome catharsis.  

The impact of sexual assault on my relationships has been ruinous, contributing directly to my separations, marriage breakdowns and deep sadness across my Family as a result.  In all, except one case, my partner was unaware of those specific matters and detail which have now been heard in a Court of Law.

Alexander Hayes - Age 15 years

Impact on Friendships

Many of my peers as a teenager noted that I would at times be ‘distant’ in conversation and at times less than convivial in my expressions towards older males who I often attributed wrongly to be of a physical threat to my well being.

My misperceptions of trust were forged in the compromise I found myself in ‘holding a secret’ which I knew would result in ‘grave consequences’ if revealed, for myself and those who I loved most. The wilful behaviour of the offender in sexually assaulting me has without any doubt been a contributing factor in the impact on my friendships with others, particularly older males as described prior.

In the company of others I have continued to experience feelings of anxiety and fear of ‘enclosure’ which has led to my self exclusion from many social events as an adult. The very same changes in my social life have had an impact on others who have been unable to understand my ‘sharp’ demeanour or unexplained hostility.

Holding a ‘secret’ in an everyday mindful state and not being able to speak of what had happened to me for fear of reprisal in its many manifestations is the backbone for the trauma and the behaviours that I have described above. Sexual assault has also caused many ‘unseen’ issues which only those closest to me can attest.

Recurrent ‘flashbacks’ of events and associated physical effects have affected the way in which I interact with friends as medical professionals describe as similar to ‘post traumatic stress disorder’. My experience is that my friendships do not often endure the mayhem that sexual assault causes in breach of trust.

In bringing my story forward, the ability to trust in others is central to what sexual assault has in the past taken away from me.

Impact On Health

The impact of sexual assault on my health is discernible in the many presentations to medical professionals over thirty years in states of anxiety and depression. The state of hypervigilance and the sense of deprivation of liberty that I experienced for so long since that period of sexual assault, I attribute directly to sexual assault.

As a child and as a sexual assault victim I recall suffering episodes of night ‘terror’, uncontrolled sweating, bed urination and ‘sleep walking’ in an uncontrolled state. As a teenager I turned to alcohol and drugs as a means to control my anxiousness and to embolden myself to counteract the fear I felt in a social setting, all of which I believe can be attributed to sustained sexual assault as the primary causal agency. As an adult I continue to suffer from severe insomnia, night ‘terror’ and hypervigilance which all  impact on my ability to share the same bed as my partner.

My physical health and emotional well being as an adult have been compromised as a result of the behaviours that became manifest contrary to my innocent disposition prior to sexual assault. Likewise, my attitude towards others and the way I now process conflict has been at times only satisfactory, at times self destructive.

There are not enough pages in this statement to provide the details of all those who have from across the medical profession helped me by listening carefully. My coping skills are due to the goodwill of those medical professionals, community members and friends from around the world who have helped me over three decades to develop ways to counteract the catastrophe of sexual assault and make healthy life choices.

Impact on Career

Since a young age my capacity and capability in social and academic performance, attention to detail and my ability to engage with complex academic challenges have been overshadowed by negative memories of sexual assault.

In fear of returning to CEBS activities and not feeling safe within my family home I recall as a teenager truanting from school, disengaging from the curriculum at times and yet despite this fact a number of my teachers in secondary school, as well as other significant mentors, encouraged me to pursue knowledge to the utmost of my ability. As a result, I have excelled academically and have held senior roles and positions of employment, not surprisingly in the early part of my career in restorative justice and child protection.

Throughout my career as an educator, my prospects of attaining financial security as a result of the impact of sexual assault have been duly direful. My economic position as a result of the effect of sexual assault as described prior in ‘impact on relationships’ has been calamitous and I am struggling now to ‘make ends meet’ which is distressing given my advanced age and lack of financial assets.

In coming forward to speak my story publicly I have been ostracised and removed from communications with a number of professional colleagues who despite their misinformation and lack of collegial empathy claimed my seeking justice in a criminal court as ‘professional suicide’. In coming forward and providing evidence in court, in speaking my story,  it is evident to me that sexual assault has had and will continue to have a direct and undeniable impact on my career professional and prospects of promotion.

I attribute the sexual assault that I have suffered as directly compromising the fullest potential and future prospects that I may have attained had I not been a victim of crime.

Impact As Victim Of Crime

I am a good person.

Most days I wake up hopeful and thankful that I have lived a good life despite the fact that the majority of what I have lived has been affected by a crime of sexual assault. The impact of sexual assault has been horrendous on my life and at times has caused me deep pain, feelings of isolation, fear of loss and great anguish.

Sexual assault breaks the rules of society. It is against the Law, against the ethical foundation for humanity and those who break this moral code then own the consequences.

I remind myself and all those who may think otherwise, that as a victim of crime, as a sexual assault victim that the fact remains that I will never ‘get over it’ rather, as a survivor I have learned to live with it.

I am a Survivor.

Alexander Hayes

18th April, 2019














Antisocial Media

This was a post that I sent into the teachAndLearnOnline Group (TALO) that seems to have sealed my fate with the educational tech geek fest which I’ve consistently fragmented with actual HUMAN discussions.


TeachandLearnOnline group

1st April 2019

Thanks Vance & Kim,

I am prepared to be outraged...and to be the one that deletes it. 

Along with Instagram, Snapchat and every other god damn anti-social-doesn't-serve-any-professional-purpose-whatsoever application that eats my time and records every word I say for its own purpose.

41 Aboriginal children between the ages of 11 and 16 have suicided in Western Australia alone in the last 16 weeks. Even the Police have managed to sign up MOU's to assist human rights and social justice groups to support the families and funerals of those affected.

Do you think Facebook, Snapchat or Instagram helped at all even under subpoena to assist in any inquiry whatsoever with those families. 

Zero. None. Nada.

They know of the whereabouts every god damned second of where those kids were, what they we saying, who they were with, what they we eating, where they were sleeping, what drugs they were taking. Every second of everyday that KNEW where these kids were at. They also know where you are at, what secrets you dont even know yourself and others around you that would shock the hell out of you too.

This isn't about '...oh look at how useful this is for me in my professional life' or '...oh this doesn't affect me because I am in control of my own destiny and it's up to each and every user abuser to make their own decisions'. This isn't about '....oh look, technology is neutral and its like a pencil' nor is this about '...it doesn't affect me or my family and because I am wearing the corporate badges they gave me to signify that I'm a professional in social networking, social media, social social'. 

This isn't about being a 'techno-tragic' nor 'techno-skeptic nor is it an interrogation of anyone's past successes or failings as humans being used by a system.

I'm calling it anti-social media and the sooner we all start building something different to this electronic data harvesting machine the better. Let's name these 'f&^%$#s and say 'Snapchat you suck with your devoid of ethics memory corrosion machine' and 'Facebook....you suck with your insidious negative, hate spreading algorithm pretending to be our more police'.

Naming and shaming a 'system' is about as effective as saying 'this is all the governments fault'.

We need to be outraged with what we know and be prepared to speak it. It's not polite nor is it civil when the very purveyors of supposed connection hold the memory, the whereabouts, the photo albums, the funeral notices and the control of billions tapping it, selling it controlling everything through it.

Yahoo

Since the beginning of time, I’ve read the news and other snippets of rubbish through the quagmire of the Yahoo adware enriched ‘privacy-my-ass’ portal that never seems to log me out even though I’ve hit the log out button repeatedly.

So after many years of having a Flickr Pro account that never got used I’ve decided to delete both my Yahoo and Flickr accounts together, or so I thought.

Flickr__Delete_your_account-1.jpg


After a few minutes digging through my Flickr dashboard I found the delete function - well, at least thats what it says….but dont let me spoil the story already. Check out what comes next.

Flickr__Delete_your_account-2.jpg

Well I would think that when you say ‘thats it then’ and ‘your account has been deleted’ and ‘GOODBYE!” in a petulant child like voice that the account is actually deleted. But wait, read on as it will become apparent thats not the case.

As I noted I still had my Yahoo tab open which is how I managed to login into my Flickr account still open I flicked over to it and hey presto! Another delete function to wade through complete with all of it’s descriptions also.

Yahoo_Privacy_Dashboard-1.jpg

So there I am thinking well, if I have deleted the Flickr account and the Yahoo account is linked then it seems only right that Yahoo has it’s begging turen also…so here I go to delete that account also. Now remember, this is my Yahoo ‘Privacy’ dashboard I’m deleting here….oh but this time I’m TERMINATING things.

Wow! Now for the nasty language coming out.

Yahoo_Privacy_Dashboard-2.jpg

So what you would expect next would be that when you click the ‘Yes, terminate this account’ button that the account would be completely removed …..but no, this is what appears next. No less than a deactivated account and ‘scheduled’ for deletion.

Now that makes you wonder what it is thats happening in the back end for your account to be fully deleted or as I suspect permanently archived with a ATTENTION stamp all over the archive record.

Yahoo_Privacy_Dashboard-3.jpg

So, for the record, Yahoo is not informing me how long this ‘deactivation’ state will be for nor will I know most likely when my account having been ‘scheduled’ is likely to take to be ‘unscheduled’.

I’m giving them a month and then I’ll login and see whether they have fulfilled my request. That is $6.90 per month and rising that I am better off and given that Flickr takes my images up and separates the meta-data from the image then gives you a .ZIP dump of JSON and raw files separated I’ll take my business elsewhere thank you very much.

Significant History

So tonight I’ve discovered that seven layers deep in the bowels of my iPhone I have a list of every single location I’ve ever visited since the history of me purchasing and using an Apple iphone product. In my case that goes back 11 years.

I have the choice to delete the lot of it but as far as I can tell all this is doing is deleting it from my device and the location history will still be stored on Apple’s cloud.

It states that the data is encrypted and Apple cant read it but what’s the purpose of collecting the data and hiding it if they have no intention of ever using it in the first place? Its a bit like putting cameras in the backs of plane seats (Singapore Airlines) and claiming these are not ever going to be turned on.

Here is how I found this magical mystery tour through my iPhone.

Settings App > ‘Privacy’ section > Scroll down to ‘Location Services’ > Scroll right down to ‘System services’ > Navigate to ‘Significant Locations’

The most interesting thing to me is that they are collecting data from before the location marker and after it to, suggesting to me that predictive analysis is being drawn from where I have been, likely to go and whom I am likely to see.

More chilling effects. More reasons why surveillance capitalism must be considered in each and every case of each and every provider we now engage with.

Given how closely tied my digital memory is tied to this provider I question how I can escape alive and still able to function in a society should I choose to ditch Apple too.

iPhone.jpg