So, another lesson that is always nice to have and always at the most inconvenient of all times possible....
If, for just one minute, we were to extract ourselves from the everyday hum drum and bustle of the weekly grind, to step out of the shadows underneath the willow tree of holy matrimony, to open our mind to positive possibility of love and goodwill that extends in all manner of forms.
It occurs to me that in being free to be we have all manners of (attract) ability that in a paired unison of the binary two is shifted when we consider the concept of 'we as three' - it threatens to take apart the whole idea of a western way of being, where in pairs we march, kids under toe, meeting and greeting in a seemingly unending array of acquaintance minus the furtive glance....and yet....we live paradoxically and ACTUALLY in a society where marriages and affairs align themselves in parallel, in fact, in our age of dating apps and services...to suit such activity, conveniently, at cost.
It got me to thinking that instead of 'we as three' or even 'we as more' that instead many people hide who they truly are in order to achieve that which they are not!
So why is that you wonder?
Why cheat, lie and deceive others and even worse yourself when you could be open and free to be who ever you wish? (*note - I said WHOEVER we wish not with WHOMEVER)
Add questions like, why continue to be in a sexless and loveless relationship "for the kids" or 'because hetro is metro' ? Just convenience?
So lets take a look at the Ashley & Maddison heat map that shows purportedly the break down of male vs female distribution worldwide of the leaked or potentially leaked data:
Take it with a pinch of salt because we all know that for many of these accounts even they are lying to themselves and registering as females seeking males when in fact they are males seeking-anything-that-might-resemble-an-opportunity-to-hook-up or any number of other combinations.
It seems that the concept of 'we as three' only becomes an issue when those connecting or connected find ways to grasp at a reality that doesn't yet exist or where partnerships perceive a time bleed, emotional attachment that threatens to implode either way or that there is a series of planned liaisons complete with psychodrama worthy of feeding a well oiled script.
There is even a possibility that as we examine and debate the Ashley & Maddison data patterns in a group of like minded friends that we discover the varying and many ways in which we all differ on the point of what constitutes security in a relationship, where relatedness starts and separation stops (or vice versa) and the many and seemingly unending variations of fantasy versus reality that spreading the love imbues.
In our western society (I speak for myself) it seems that we are told which way to live, we are told what is acceptable by an ever increasing array of restrictions and we pair with those people who we are lead to believe are our best match, algorithms at the ready. Imagine if for a minute we were simply to dream our way forward and open the possibilities to not cheat on our partners, be open in who we are, what we think (by sharing our thoughts) and by exploring with others in any number or array of human connection - friendships, liaisons, meetups, hookups, dinner-dates, walks-in-the-park, conversation, meditation etc.
What would we need the dating app for? Diversity across geolocation when for instance the geo location app only lets us see anyone less than 200kms away?
What if, just what if 'we as three' or whatever combination of connection we sought to have was entirely possible, even encouraged?
We might just be two....or many, many more. Take me for example, I've lost count and I am glad I have.
But hang on a minute....I think that means I've been poly forever. Yay!
I think that many, if not most of the people I've met in life are too....that they live their life relating and connecting with all sorts of people in an ongoing and diverse way....yet for some strange reason they end up choosing those people who express a NEED for them....needy....needing this assurance, that promise, these rule keepings.
A constant stream of "where are you?" or "I told you not to talk to them ever again" or even "what is going on between you two?"
We can only have room for three to be if we set that part free.
In other words....let go of NEEDING another especially those people we hold dearest and nearest...they are not our property, they dont and cant cope with needy people themselves and neither can we.
That means THERE IS NO PERFECT PARTNER in one person alone!
There is a perfection in that soulful friendship that is so strong that they are and always will be encouraging us to keep exploring be ourselves no matter what that means. There IS a perfect partner in a soulful relatedness that allows us to keep on always being ourselves.
We can be free.... and no we CANNOT find absolutely everything for ever in one person to the absolute exclusion of everyone else, till death do us part, so help me God.
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give" - Winston Churchill
Time to give people, time to make a difference not by coveting one and calling them 'wife' or 'husband' out of convenience rather to live life and knowing that you were and are forever not their possession nor your theirs, letting go daily, encouraging your partner to be as free as they ever want to be in whatever way they want to grow by.
That would close Ashley & Maddison and do away with all those dating apps....we might even end up talking to each other again!
Monogamy is merely a convenience to ensure others are safe from themselves.