So why is it that online dating platforms give their users the option to choose everything and anything including ‘single’ ?
Here is how it seems for me.
It is my firm belief that I’ve held for some time now (since birth) that we are all single. That in fact we are always single, always will be and that we are in essence, ourself.
I even stated at one point about 8 months ago that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, that it was looking for me.
Forever single. That certainly didn't go down well. Numerous "oh....you'll be right Alex...you'll find your perfect soul mate soon."
We are told from birth (according to our culture, religion, beliefs etc.) that we transcend this state of ‘single' to become something that is observed and accepted as paired, joined, connected, partnered, married, divorced, separated and so on when we in some way share a bonded empathy with that of another - even the notions of friends can be viewed in this way.
We acknowledge the label spoken on the tongues of others and live by that societies expectancy of what it means to be that label.
Sadly, for many it seems of who I have come in contact with (even my former self) simply transfer from one label to the next and never tick the single box ever again. Why?
Is being single wrong? Are we less of a person when we respect the rights of others by allowing them to be single too? Why have we suddenly in the last few thousands years given up our fundamental rights to be anything but ourselves?
Single. One. Self. Me. You. Them. Other. All combinations.
It seems that the answer lies in the concept of ‘us’. What a tragic state of existence we find ourselves amongst defending continuously the rights of others around us who express their need for an uninterrupted lifetime without the clamouring needs of others pushing into that space.
Neediness. Expectancy. Assumptions. Attachment. Perception.
Why is it do you think assumed that because you are visually connected or understood to be bonded with another that your ‘availability status’ suddenly shifted from ‘single’ to ‘other’?
As I ponder over a few experiences I have gone through in the last few weeks, that I have learned from, the ‘us’ label gets noise and noisier. Again, as I’ve written about in previous articles I think we really, truly need to drop this rubbish that ‘two-become-one’, that we need a ‘tribe’ to be identified by, that we are needful of ‘relationships’ rather than relatedness.
To choose wisely means that inn our freedom to choose we are responsible for who that choice will affect. In choosing we also need to walk mindfully, constantly checking in during that fluidity to ensure we aren’t locking others into anything they choose not to be labelled by.
In summary, we are and always will be single and that all other labels are provided for you to choose if you wish to do so.
You are enough, as you are, single.