Courage To Accept Sexual Abuse


I've recently taken my personal story to the Royal Commission into the Sexual Abuse of Children here in Australia which has heard thousands of despicable acts perpetrated by multi denominational Churches and supposed centres of religious excellence across this country since colonisation over two hundreds years ago by the British.

Numerous hearings have led to cases being heard and numerous arrests being made of perpetrators so far.



"...The Royal Commission holds formal public hearings to examine evidence about child sexual abuse and how institutions responded to allegations of abuse. Each public hearing examines a different case study." - http://www.childabuseroyalcommission.gov.au/public-hearings/case-studies

I have also taken my personal story and lodged a criminal case against one key perpetrator and four accomplices over a 5 year period, as well as numerous individuals including Anglican Church clergy and senior church members who are accessories after the facts who withheld my abuse from authorities for over thirty years. This criminal case has been lodged with the Australian Federal Police as well as the New South Wales Police in Sydney Australia to ensure that my case is not only heard but criminal convictions sought from all of those who failed to protect me as a child.

I will be one of the few who have reported this and will pursue this across all agencies until I know my key perpetrator and associates are jailed or similar.



"....Every Anglican Church diocese in the country bar one has received complaints of child sexual abuse in the past 35 years, a report has found." - http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-03-17/anglican-church-ashamed-child-sex-abuse-royal-commission/8363126

The purpose of this personal blog post is to reflect on the recent interviews I endured as I provided a Witness Statement with New South Wales Police which required me to detail everything that happened to me over a two day intensive interview. I will from now forward be ongoing interviewed and examined from all perspectives as the Police bring into account the multitude of those I am seeking to corroborate on my case. 

It is a known fact that many survivors of such horrific abuse do not report of these crimes sometimes up to 30 years on average after the last points of perpetration. This is due to a range of complex reasons include physical threats by perpetrators, fear of incriminating innocent people, shame, mental health and other real issues.

Over the last 34 years I have myself received death threats, cyber bullying, physical altercations including assault, exclusion from social events, defriending and so on which has had a massively detrimental affect on my Family, children, friends and colleagues. Many, many people have chosen to cease communicating with me due to my often erratic and self destructive behaviour.



In short, I feel that I almost passed away (again) two days ago as I spoke about the worst of what happened to me as far as sexual abuse specific incidents are concerned. I almost passed out in shock at this main interview as I recollected and visually pictured myself as I have millions of times since those incidents. I felt my heart stop, faint and with a migraine I had to take breaks to cope with the recollections.

I am aware that I have achieved so much by enduring this horrific process. I have travelled visually and at the worst times in my life back and back and back and back to those locations, to the abuse and have woken thousands of times whimpering, bed wetting, thrashing and hallucinating when I was afflicted with the worst of insomnia leading to psychosis.

I have endured hundreds of hours of counselling, doctors appointments, presentations at hospitals, admissions to hospital, lockdown in psyche wards for months at a time, relationship breakups, deaths of peers to suicide and countless blackouts from drug use and overdoses.

In gathering the courage to write my #realstory I drew up all my spiritual strength to a muster of facing my own demons which have consistently caused me so much self destruction over the last three decades. You can access that personal impact book here and download it as a PDF for free - http://www.alexanderhayes.com/publications/real-story

In gathering up the courage to speak of these sexual abuse incidents I drew upon all of the listening and acceptance that my Kooya, my Mothers and my Yakoo, partner have given me to bring my case before the courts and in doing so letting my angry inner child free from his mind prison.

In returning and with courage to share my experience I am drawing upon my trust and resilience to protect others as I accept what has happened to me and in doing so I make real my namesake - Alexander (protector of men in Greek) and Malkay (listen deeply). I will as a result change by Deed Poll my full name to be Alexander Malkay Hayes as my middle name was given to me during a smoking ceremony for my step-daughter by my Kooya at Balkinjirr Community, Liviringa in the Kimberley region of Western Australia. You can read bout this experience starting here - http://www.alexanderhayes.com/journey/malkay

The following posts I made to Facebook are what I consider to be the culmination of months of trepidation and amazing interaction with a limited amount of people who have supported me through the worst of the crisis of the last few years.



I think by expressing myself in this way I made real to myself that I had actually achieved something I knew was important to protect others with as my own forgiveness for the perpetrators is complete but not for the lack of intervention from the institutions that protected them.



As above, it is not with ego that I speak of celebrating an achievement rather joyful sorrow as I recollect that I have spent most of my life working and interacting with others to try and save them from a worse fate than my own.



As above I have learned to live with the fact that I will never "get over it" which I was told by countless, heartless and inept people including those who were supposed to be closest to me. I have learned that I had to face this alone and that till the day that I take my last breath that this will be with me but it DOES NOT DEFINE ME!!!



As stated above, with the input from significant others in my life I have been encouraged to grow and live a life not defined  by sexual assault rather use it as a mechanism of knowledge to help others survive their own story, to always be listening and to be healthy and happy.



As above, I have had to endure 80 paragraphs of a witness statement and a personal impact account which spans more than 117 pages. Thats just the tip of the iceberg I am told by survivors who have said that they are "borderline" at most of the time in their lives. I will endeavour to protect others and allow my deep listening to be what starts and ends all of my interactions with others.



As above, I will have to rekindle my connection with country, with Family and with countless people who I have hurt and alienated over the years. In many cases the wounds are too deep and that in their endurance of me over the years they have had too much to bear and as humans seek out a new path that is not on mine.

I have to accept that what happened to me was not my doing rather that it has had a lasting and horrific impact on my life, to accept this and to walk forward stronger, deeply listening to others and where possible protecting those who would otherwise suffer a worse fate. This is not about me rather it is about what I action and live my life by from now till my last breath.

Here is a short article that sums up the fact that I am just one case of tens of thousands of men and women who have been abused and I so happen to be one of the very few who have had the courage to speak out and make known these crimes against humanity - http://www.smh.com.au/national/a-network-of-sexual-perpetrators-operated-in-anglican-church-youth-group-royal-commission-finds-20170213-gubi81.html



Here also are just a few links to resources which indicate the scope and tragedy of this horrific and endemic scourge which religious institutions and numerous government agencies have covered up over decades and indeed centuries.

Heteronormative

“…denoting or relating to a world view that promotes heterosexuality as the normal or preferred sexual orientation.” - Wikipedia

I’ve just returned from my eldest Daughters wedding in Margaret River, Western Australia.

Beautiful part of the world.

It’s well known my opinion on marriage but more importantly to their credit my Daughter and her husbands assertion that the law in Western Australia needs changing - that being from marriage being a man and woman joined to the exclusion of all others as being so archaic and to change it to that of where two people who love each other being able to join is a state of holy matrimony, so help me god.

Christ. Two people become one supposedly.

Thats about as much as I can cope with such notions from a institution steeped in corrupt, debauch and depravity only fitting the hell that Christians profess we all need to repent and be saved from.

In short, religion has no place in life. It is a human suppression agent and a falsity.

I’m sensing that things have become more fluid for want of a better term in a contemporaneous society and that a heteronormative existence is under assault, fast evolving.

I then sat today on the beach at Cottesloe, Western Australia and discussed with my second eldest Daughter the concept of compersion, the manner in which people can choose not to have locked-in relationships and how to grow by compassion, empathy and trust. So that brings me back to interrogate that existence of the heteronormative.

The fact is I have lived a life of thirty years led by the heteronormative expectation of family and friends, who have of late shifted markedly in my life or have left entirely. Lets face it, I have been married three times and had as many children. It took a great deal of courage I am told to step out and declare to the world that I disagree with simply living a life so that it fits with the convenience of a heteronormative state.

An iconoclast no less. Nothing they told me worked. It was all false and hollow and full of promise but no real reality worth living. So I grew and stepped away from that crap.

Then, out of the blue whilst at Perth Airport I receive a phone call from Craig who has read my profile in Grindr, an app that you can add to your phone giving access to gay and bisexual men across the world. He stated that the link to my #realstory book as being life changing, cathartic, inspiring. He asked if I was able to meet and I gracefully declined as I’m about to board a plane and fly back to Canberra.

So, that paragraph above is enough to floor most of the hetro’s I’m forced to engage with at times in my life. Why? 

Because the first question is “….and why have you got such an app on your phone? Does you partner know abut it?” My answer is each time “….I have many apps on my phone and each and every one of them serve different functions as do the apps on your phone….but do I ask you as to why you have those apps on your phone yet you feel compelled to make a statement that I’m acting out, being dishonest, non trustful?”

The fact is that no matter what I am, no matter how I identify sexually, no matter who I am connected to professionally, socially or for that matter politically, the whole heteronormative cycle of returning people back to a feed loving, cow creating, nuclear family fairytale seems far removed from a social reality. More and more people I speak to have given up on the “forever more till death do us part” love lock and are exercising their individual and collective freedoms.

No matter what a heteronormative professes to protect and maintain I am of the opinion that it creates, suppresses and forces those who find themselves attracted to things out of its constraints into being dishonest and truly disconnected from a reality. I returned from my Daughters wedding inspired by that one assertion said at the union of vows but I congratulate myself on not physically assaulting a crowd of heteronormative, vipers, charlatans and looking-goods who all at one stage in their life did their best to intern me, crucify and lock down pansexual me.

Who is anyone to question our identity then profess to know how to return us to a straight jacket norm better suiting a collective moral servitude.?

Well….fuck you if thats what is needed to wake you up out of your readership malaise, you too need wake up and look around at what you are doing in life and if toeing the societal norm of a hetronoromative is the way you are living your life and smashing other people with your moral yardstick then get the hell out of mine.

Pansexual is the way to go and if that doesn’t suit then choose your own label because if you don’t then society will sure to tag you with something that conveniences only its heteronormative self.

These Pricks

I have a great amount of disdain for authority of many kinds.

I hate insipid service providers on the Internet who also withdraw my data subject to legal concourse. Read the FUCKING  MATERIAL people and understand this is all about civil liberty, honesty, transparency and the insidious FUCKS that run the religious institutions in this land and all over this globe.

True, when I get my heckles up it aint just fur thats flying.

I'll abide by the law of the land knowing that this country was never ceded and that the monarchy is nothing but a coloniser. Yes, I'll acknowledge that native-fuck-me-over title exists too in white man toxic Anglo lawyer speak.

Yes, I'll also acknowledge that under that occupation that THESE PRICKS will have it lorded unto us beseech thee almighty fucking god, holy maker of heaven and fucking hell on earth so help me Christ you capitalised fucking cunt.

Ok....so now you have the gist. Today, or maybe it was yesterday I submitted my account of what I was subjected to as a 11 year old through to 13 year old. I name no names except that of the institutions who did their very best to bury my sorry carcass under a mountain of threats and vile looking goods.

What does it take for a 48 year old man to muster his yoke and let a judicial body know it's own sorry soulless patriarchy as nothing more than testament to an Internet of things. A sorryless protected and monarchical mayhem.

So today, Figshare announced it wont hold my story in it's archive. So who, pray to the most holiest of they merciful vestry, has contacted Mr. Figshare and had my story removed? Mr. God-damned-Pell himself?

For merciful's sake get to archive.org before they are subpoenaed to remove their damning copy to.

 

https://archive.org/details/realstory-final

Or get to Lulu.com and download the book there - http://www.lulu.com/shop/alexander-hayes/real-story/ebook/product-22624245.html

Better still download it from here for FREE  - http://www.alexanderhayes.com/s/Realstory.pdf

Till my dying breath I will exercise MY CIVIL RIGHT as a human being to defend myself against this bullshit systematic shutting down of those who have suffered at the hands of a so-called Church.

I am not even an atheist - that would mean I acknowledge that word even exists. Nothing that these institutions of torture, rape, pillage, occupation and tax less invasion will do will ever get me to acknowledge that there are not above law.

Here is my Royal Commission submission - note I do not name names, I name numbers because when you are nothing but a number then its only numbers you are getting back. 

Submission To The Royal Commission Into Sexual Abuse of Children Australia [ PDF ]

Failing that go and download it from Google Drive - https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_KCOZAxbuayYm5yYkZ5aEgwbHM/view?usp=sharing

 

 

 

 

Compersion

91801255

I've avoided writing on this topic until now mainly out of respect for my amazing partner but also that its taken me almost two years to actually grasp....actually  understand fully what the act of 'compersion' means.

In other words, I have talked at length about this with my partner and it's now an important conversation to be had as Its timely and its very real. I'm growing and changing.

According to the Urban Dictionary (I cant find it written up in any other dictionaries) comperison is:

"...A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship."

I can literally hear the audible breath being taken in by some people reading this as the concept goes against every single principle in the Christian Judaic, capitalist, singular relationship bound marrying and ownership of one and each other. For God's sake who invented these vestitudes of hateful relatedness??? 

So I looked further and came across this really interesting article in the Huffington Post - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gracie-x/compersion-a-polyamorous-principle-that-can-strengthen-any-relationship_b_6803868.html

From what I can understand the term is derivative of the ethos of polyamory, essentially where an individual has not one sexual partner but many and that combination many happen in any variety of configurations. I have grave reservations as to whether true polyamory can work particularly where one of the 'trouple' is a third spoke in the wheel.....but it is possible and does work too.

So, in essence, the article explains how a couple are discussing his connection with a lover the night before and the partner, a woman recognises and observes the enraptured, engaged and animated person she once new in her husband when they were first dating. So, what has happened the woman has remarkably found the capability to feel her jealousy, accept that as a feeling, move past her fear of abandonment or rejection, unlock her feelings of genuine excitement at a physical and emotional level and at the same time be present to her boyfriend who society in general would have deemed his actions as "cheating".

In my thinking for me to achieve that state, that incredibly liberated feeling of freedom to feel beyond what society would have us think is normal, restricted, exclusive....to actually live in an open and SHARING relationship (as opposed to dont-ask-dont-tell) then the whole world suddenly becomes different. Sure the sex is exciting but at the core, for me, the metaphysical gravitas of this way of living profoundly changes the ground rules on what it means to be in a partnership.

A few years ago I left a boring, serial, relentless monogamous marriage where intimacy was lost due to the enclosed state of "owned" that I felt. I could no longer interact with others as I would normally....chat, flirt, enjoy their company. Out of the heavens it seems I met an incredibly intelligent blonde faery who encouraged me to reflect deeply on my life experiences, my sexual connections and my relationships with others. I admitted that nothing scared me more than "being me" ....connecting with others as I feared reprimand, rebuke, rejection and abandonment.

We met people together and we connected with them. The whole world changed for me.

On the other hand, it has been drummed into me from birth that a man takes a woman as his wife and for ever more till the day they die.....they have to put up with each other and generally a sexless and boring life together. Not always but thats the exception to the norm of seven years, two kids and a divorce later.

So now that I'm thinking this through, it seems that the woman in the article context is actually in an incredibly powerful and autonomous state of freedom herself. Not only is she happy that her partner is having sex with others and enjoying himself, she is actually enjoying relating to his experiences....and perhaps getting sexually excited herself as a result.

That doesn't necessarily mean she's voyeuristic either. It could mean that she might join him with those lovers a some point to but there is absolutely no obligation or pressure to do o.

So this act of love, the act of compersion which is meaningful, intentful and  deliberate seems to be the way that highly intellectual, highly sexual and high achievers seem to ensure that their own relatedness is healthy. It's not a relationship - that term just became redundant as this is a new way of living and being free at the core of what so many supposedly "good marriages" fester....infidelity.

Well in a relatedness filled with compersion such things as infidelity are null and void. Jealousy still exists as it is an emotional state and an important instinctuual feeling of loss if your headspace is low. It means the prtnership is always on charge, dynamic and open.

This now brings me back to my own personal journey. I have always thought that the state of compersion to be intellectually possible but impossible in the everyday practical sense. The excitement that it brings me is also heavily balanced with conditioned fear and guilt. There is the practical considerations of what combinations excite one's partner and who in fact is benefitting most from the activity! It seems that the woman in the article is having as much fun or more than her partner who is now relaxed, relieved and rejuvinated.

By the way I don't see this as a gender specific nor identity related phenomena. It is spoken about as being possible and preferable across all variants of humanity.

The mere though of having (permissibly and encouraged) multiple lovers fills me with a faint fear and light headedness....but also a deep soulful relief. A massive, massive shift in a life that is otherwise locked up in one modality.

The married state of monogamy is gut wrenchingly boring. A new state of compersion whilst tough emotionally would I think build resilience, emotional resilience, would bring honesty and love back into couples connections with others.

I think compersion is the way to go. Its a genuine, excitable feeling human act of generosity, of power gathering, sharing, caring and connecting.

A Gift

I recieved a package in the mail today. 

As I knew already it would contain nothing more than an organisations coverup of the truth of the matter pertaining to my resignation. 

I have travelled a fair distance in life over 47 years.

The lessons I've learned are in healing myself first before anything I can do for others will be of any real use. I am a strong and capable person - capable of many things.

In some cases my own justice came around many years later when those that picked on me or taken advantage of me least suspected it would happen.

My own story that took me this far has had it's fair share of extreme violence, sexual abuse, alienation, bullying and loneliness. To counteract that I've often gone quiet and hurt myself more to protect the well being of others.

Despite their own pitiful and sad life stories, a few recent bullies and sick colleagues continue to drown their sorrows or get angry to counteract their own physical disabilities, sexual preferences and inability to maintain relationships and workforce capacities without hurting others and ultimately themselves in the process.

Racist, sexist, homophobic, pompous, illiterate mafia have no place in my life. 

FOI does nothing more than protect those who already know their mission in controlling others. An organisation that holds itself as the pinnacle of academic success, supposed leader of research in this country is nothing more than the lowlife that it supports deep within its colonist bowels.

Justice is strength in knowing the numbers that share in the same secrets I have been subjected to, as they themselves have the same. The greatest gift is knowing that all will be revealed en masse.

For the public good.

Connections

I reflect on a more humorous aspect of my own personal life that I feel compelled to share. Some say that when a man (male) reaches his middle years he finds his younger man no longer fighting with his child, that his middle aged man facing up to his Elder and listening in on what matters most for the rest of the journey forward.

Read More

Trust

Above all else. Each and every time I'm presented with yet another challenge I remind myself that trust is the paramount, deep set and consistent intuition that gets me through.

Read More

Freedom

The term libre detre - 'free to be' comes to mind. I hadn’t really thought of what the term meant till it became obvious to me that my perception in life or awareness as some describe it had arrived at a point where I knew I was restricted, lacking freedom in many ways.

Read More

The End Of High

An entry in Facebook: "...We are happy to confirm for you that we have fallen in love, are in a relationship, settling down which allows you to now be happy for yourselves, to feel secure and confident that the status quo has been maintained, as required and as you need it. All that is now left to do is to like this post and congratulate each other on your own confirmation of polarity."

Read More

Letting E Go

Another day, another deep set life lesson. Imagine a world where in pairing up with a craker who are genetically designed and mate like dolphins where there is a definite season in which body parts turn blue and a mating ritual where the female chooses up to 4 'fathers' and the babies raised with the help of the whole tribe.

Read More

Stelarc

At the end of the last century, to the crashing of the Twin Towers, the onset of the Internet and the dawn of the smart phone I began my Creative Doctorate at Curtin University, Perth, Western Australia.

Read More

We As Three

So, another lesson that is always nice to have and always at the most inconvenient of all times possible....

If, for just one minute, we were to extract ourselves from the everyday hum drum and bustle of the weekly grind, to step out of the shadows underneath the willow tree of holy matrimony, to open our mind to positive possibility of love and goodwill that extends in all manner of forms.

It occurs to me that in being free to be we have all manners of (attract) ability that in a paired unison of the binary two is shifted when we consider the concept of 'we as three' - it threatens to take apart the whole idea of a western way of being, where in pairs we march, kids under toe, meeting and greeting in a seemingly unending array of acquaintance minus the furtive glance....and yet....we live paradoxically and ACTUALLY in a society where marriages and affairs align themselves in parallel, in fact, in our age of dating apps and services...to suit such activity, conveniently, at cost.

It got me to thinking that instead of 'we as three' or even 'we as more' that instead many people hide who they truly are in order to achieve that which they are not!

So why is that you wonder?

Why cheat, lie and deceive others and even worse yourself when you could be open and free to be who ever you wish? (*note - I said WHOEVER we wish not with WHOMEVER)

Add questions like, why continue to be in a sexless and loveless relationship "for the kids" or 'because hetro is metro' ? Just convenience?

So lets take a look at the Ashley & Maddison heat map that shows purportedly the break down of male vs female  distribution worldwide of the leaked or potentially leaked data:

Take it with a pinch of salt because we all know that for many of these accounts even they are lying to themselves and registering as females seeking males when in fact they are males seeking-anything-that-might-resemble-an-opportunity-to-hook-up or any number of other combinations.

It seems that the concept of 'we as three' only becomes an issue when those connecting or connected find ways to grasp at a reality that doesn't yet exist or where partnerships perceive a time bleed, emotional attachment that threatens to implode either way or that there is a series of planned liaisons complete with psychodrama worthy of feeding a well oiled script.

There is even a possibility that as we examine and debate the Ashley & Maddison data patterns in a group of like minded friends that we discover the varying and many ways in which we all differ on the point of what constitutes security in a relationship, where relatedness starts and separation stops (or vice versa) and the many and seemingly unending variations of fantasy versus reality that spreading the love imbues.

In our western society (I speak for myself) it seems that we are told which way to live, we are told what is acceptable by an ever increasing array of restrictions and we pair with those people who we are lead to believe are our best match, algorithms at the ready. Imagine if for a minute we were simply to dream our way forward and open the possibilities to not cheat on our partners, be open in who we are, what we think (by sharing our thoughts) and by exploring with others in any number or array of human connection - friendships, liaisons, meetups, hookups, dinner-dates, walks-in-the-park, conversation, meditation etc.

What would we need the dating app for? Diversity across geolocation when for instance the geo location app only lets us see anyone less than 200kms away?

What if, just what if 'we as three' or whatever combination of connection we sought to have was entirely possible, even encouraged?

We might just be two....or many, many more. Take me for example, I've lost count and I am glad I have.

But hang on a minute....I think that means I've been poly forever. Yay!

I think that many, if not most of the people I've met in life are too....that they live their life relating and connecting with all sorts of people in an ongoing and diverse way....yet for some strange reason they end up choosing those people who express a NEED for them....needy....needing this assurance, that promise, these rule keepings.

A constant stream of "where are you?" or "I told you not to talk to them ever again" or even "what is going on between you two?"

We can only have room for three to be if we set that part free.

In other words....let go of NEEDING another especially those people we hold dearest and nearest...they are not our property, they dont and cant cope with needy people themselves and neither can we.

That means THERE IS NO PERFECT PARTNER in one person alone!

There is a perfection in that soulful friendship that is so strong that they are and always will be encouraging us to keep exploring be ourselves no matter what that means. There IS a perfect partner in a soulful relatedness that allows us to keep on always being ourselves.

We can be free.... and no we CANNOT find absolutely everything for ever in one person to the absolute exclusion of everyone else, till death do us part, so help me God.

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give" - Winston Churchill

Time to give people, time to make a difference not by coveting one and calling them 'wife' or 'husband' out of convenience rather to live life and knowing that you were and are forever not their possession nor your theirs, letting go daily, encouraging your partner to be as free as they ever want to be in whatever way they want to grow by.

That would close Ashley & Maddison and do away with all those dating apps....we might even end up talking to each other again!

Monogamy is merely a convenience to ensure others are safe from themselves.

Relationships

Ashley Callingbull - Photo by Jade Ehlers

This was originally titled - " The Problem With (Traditional) Relationships."

So....a quick article before I get headlong into the PhD writing for today.

I'd like to mix two things today amidst the moralist overtones of the messaging I received this morning on Facebook.

Not only are marriages vastly unsuccessful those that are still in some form are according to Justin Gammill:

"...An overwhelming number of people these days say that they are unhappy in their marriages and relationships. An overwhelming number of people these days say that they are unhappy in their marriages and relationships."

Ok...so now for the funny part. Did you notice the repeat above :)

Here is the article in situ.

OMG I had to laugh because it goes to show that no what perspective it's written about, even those lauding change are getting wrong :)

For the record, the image below is a screenshot.



Not withstanding, in reality, I also meet couples whose marriages are in some way fulfilling as company but have little or no passion or curiosity left as they careen from one shopping mall to another.

It begs the questions:

Why are we getting married when the statistics and the societal moral norms that once told us that this was the right "way" are failing? Why do we continue to keep lining up and praying to the same gods who never show their faces when their clergy themselves cant even address the above?

For many though, the mere idea that they might need to travel alone for a while or that they might need to find new ways beyond how they were raised is too much to consider, so the learned patterns and the apathy continue while they criticise those around themselves for being different.

It is as Mrs (note) Universe, Ashley Callingbull has said recently, yes, whilst the bastions and programs that would perpetuate aesthetic enslavement try to predominate, there is change afoot and those with the platform are using it for power to help others less fortunate than themselves.

"...Really? People think I'm too political for my first day as Mrs Universe. Did you really think I was going to just sit there and look pretty? Definitely not. I have a title, a platform and a voice to make change and bring awareness to First Nations issues here in Canada. I'm getting all this media attention and I'm going to use it to the best of my ability. I'm not your typical beauty queen. Look out... I have a voice for change and I'm going to use it!"

In a way that is what I consider I have discovered myself too.

I do not do marriages, shopping malls and moralist secrecy. I'd rather living in the open and in doing so perhaps I might even help one person in their journey to love a life worth living. Online dating is just shopping for people who look good but when you take them to bed you realise that you had chosen cherry whipped fudge cake instead of banana whirl n' candy poppin whizz fizz.

Did we think that one way was the right way? Did we also think that Mrs Universe was just there to look good?

Stop online dating and actually smile at everyone. they will soon ask you what is wrong and you can pick the ones that are right for you. They are smiling from inside too.

As is the case with Ashley, I say no to sexual and physical abuse and I say that to go the distance we need to speak out, with our own voice and to join those who know their voice too....to effect change and to live that truth beyond what others sadly say is the only walk to walk.

It's all about relatedness - relationships are so 1660. We do not need to be locked in to a capitalist ownership certification officiated by a religious institution.

Be single, together.

Keep exploring and tackle your jealousy's because as sure as heck, it will become apparent to you  that jealousy is just a societal construct - your partner is the person who continues to keep returning.

Your soulmate is yourself - as soon as you find that soulmate in yourself other soulmates will want company.

Whilst you are it... in case you are interested to know - http://polyskeptic.com/